Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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