If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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