guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
