dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Panties = found
Randomize
