my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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