She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
