Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
