My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
