ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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