Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
