I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
