i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
