My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
