Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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