Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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