come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
