meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
