I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
