Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
