Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
