p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
