So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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