So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
