he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
