But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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