Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
