Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
