the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
