He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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