You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
