Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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