He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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