If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
