I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Too much gin, very little bucket
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
