Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This is classic penis vs brain.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
