I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
His nipple licking is glorious
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