how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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