I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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