oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
