dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
