Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I cockslap morals
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Randomize
