so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
