She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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