I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
