I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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