Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
we should paint friendship bongs
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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