Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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