the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
