So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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