i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
