Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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