Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
