My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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