Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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