is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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